Who am I? A question that we all ask at some point or another. I sometimes hear of people going off to ‘find themselves’, often when something comes to an end or life takes an unexpected turn. For me, if you had asked me that question in the last five years, I would definitely have talked about teaching.

I knew at the age of 5 that I wanted to be a teacher. I’d barely been in Reception class a week before I was sitting my friends or my teddies down and taking the register. I believe that God put a seed in my heart at that early age and as I grew up and began working with children, this passion just grew and grew. Up until a year ago, teaching was all that I ever wanted to do. It took up all of my time and energy and I loved every second of it. It is such a privilege to be part of the journey of empowering children to go out into the world and make a difference, knowing that they are valued as individuals with their own unique gifts, strengths and passions.

When something starts as a dream and you put so much of your heart, time and energy into making it happen, it can soon become a big part of who you are - your identity. What is wrong with that, you might ask? There is nothing wrong with throwing yourself into what you do; we have all been given gifts, passions, even callings by God. The problem with my identity being in teaching is that when I became ill and everything stopped, I was left wondering… if I can’t teach, who am I? Not being able to teach didn’t make any sense to me, it was my childhood dream. What could I possibly do now? As I began to wrestle with God over these questions, instead of talking to me about my future, He began to speak to me about who I truly am.

I am a great lover of Disney! When I was resting one day watching the Lion King, I was really struck by a particular clip:

By taking on Timon and Pumbaa’s ethos, ‘Hakuna Matata,’ Simba has forgotten about his old life and therefore, his place as King of Pride rock. When Nala turns up, Simba is challenged to remember his true identity. Having quite literally, knocked some sense into him, Rafiki takes him to see his father, who speaks some of the most powerful words of the film, ‘Look inside yourself Simba. You are more than what you have become….Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true King. Remember who you are.’

God used this film, to challenge me about who I truly am. In the Bible, it says, ‘See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God.’ (1 John 3:1)It was an amazing revelation to me, that first and foremost, I am a child of God. It doesn’t matter what I do as a job; if I never did another thing again, God would still love me just the same. You never know what is around the corner; jobs, relationships or finances may come and go but when you know who you are in God, you can stand firm and have hope for the future.

I was very excited when I finally became well enough to go back to teaching part-time this September. I thought that God had answered my question and I was going to be able to teach again. As you know from reading my previous blog, I was taken very ill in May with a severe lung infection, followed by a collapsed lung and operation in July. This meant that I couldn’t go back and had to make the decision to resign from my job. Making this decision was heart-breaking. Naturally, I am extremely upset; my eyes fill up with tears just writing about it. Deep down though, I will not be shaken because I know that first and foremost I am a child of God. Amidst the sadness of one season ending for now, I can be excited about the future because my Daddy in Heaven loves me and has an amazing plan for me. I still have that passion to teach that God gave me and I know that he will still use that in what he has for me next. Who knows, I may end up back in the classroom in the future. For now though, I am just going to trust and rest in who I truly am!